Carving Pumpkins

Last night, the girls and I carved three pumpkins. I did the traditional "scary" pumpkin with triangle eyes, two slits for a nose, and sharp, jagged teeth. Brittany carved a tinker-bell like fairy. Bekah carved a large, round hole.

Bekah says the hole is a doorway into the pumpkin house. To the casual observer; however, I feel the hole looks just like what it is -- a big hole. You could, with some imagination, think of it as a giant, gaping maw awaiting its next victim. That's how I prefer to think upon it now.

We had a lot of pumpkin seeds, so we baked them. I don't like pumpkin pie or bread, but I love baked and salted pumpkin seeds. Don't you wonder who first came up with ideas to do things with seeds?

I think, if the early-settlers didn't know what to do with something, they simply baked it. No matter what it was. Think about popcorn. How do you think that was invented? Probably, some early-settler didn't know what to do with the dried kernels of maze and baked it. Pop!

They've probably baked apple seeds, but they're poisonous. They probably baked peach-pits, but they explode in the microwave and sharp shard of peach-pit get scattered across the kitchen like so much shrapnel.

Here's how I imagine it....

****Somewhen in the mid-1600's in the colonies of America****

The women are standing around the solid oak kitchen table carving up these newly grown pumpkin fruit thingies and wondering what to do with them.

Aunt Mary-Martha: "Let-ith us-ith cut-ith up-ith the flesh-ith and bake-ith them-ith for pies and cakes -iths.

Aunt Mary-Gertrude: "Sound-ith like-ith a plan-ith!"

Young Cousin Mary-Mary: "Prithee thee ladies, what-ith of the seed-iths?"

Young and beautiful and slightly more modern Cousin Jane: "Let's bake them!"

The other ladies, standing around the table, simply stared at young and beautiful Cousin Jane and blinked. Realizing her mistake, Cousin Jane repeated: "Let-ith us-ith bake-ith them-ith."

"Ahhh," nodded the ladies in agreement. Of course, if you don't know what to do with something, bake it! What were they thinking???

Later, Granpa Jedidia, upon sampling his first baked pumpkin seed remarked, "They-ith need-ith salt-ith!" and gruffly thrust the bowl back at Grandma Mary-Mergatroid.

Hence was the pumpkin seed treat born.

All the other gentlemen were secretly afraid of Cousin Jane for her modern ways and speech patterns. All, that is, except for her beau, Third Cousin Robert. He liked smart woman. He kept his preference secret though. Third Cousin Robert and Cousin Jane often snuck out together and held hands, even though they knew they could be stoned for it. They did it anyway.

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Which brings me to another point -- marrying a smart woman. You know, I thought I was doing a good thing by marrying a smart woman. It's really something you should seriously contemplate.

I can't get away with anything. Nothing. Nada. Period. Barb (The Evil Overlord) is on to me with every sneaky thing I try to get away with. With eyes that watch hither and thither and an exacting and calculating mind that' s as sharp as can be, I can't pull the wool over her eyes in any fashion.

A smart wife makes for good conversations and the occasional intelligent offspring, but don't count on being able to get away with any shenanigans if you marry a smart woman. You've been warned.

If you've already done the terrible deed and have married a smart woman, you have my sympathies. I'm with ya man. Really. If you've not, and you go ahead and marry a smart woman, you've been warned.

Well, I guess you can have my sympathies too. Misery loves company.